But When?

When did this little boy go from spitting up to feeding himself? I must have been at the store and missed it. When did he start babbling "dad" all over the house and running up and down the hallway? Was it when I was unloading the dishwasher or checking my email? And when, oh when, did he grow those 8  teeth? I was just buying pureed baby food, wasn't I? How come his whole body is too long to rock in the chair? Isn't he still considered a baby? I'm not sure if I can handle these feelings, but they are here. I didn't expect them to come on so strong, but I love this little boy...to the inner core of my core of my core of my on fire heart.

Truett is Walking!

I can't believe it. 9 months, 2 days old. Here we go!

Exhausted By Life

I woke up this morning to Truett screaming for the 3rd day in a row, and I'm still deciding what my attitude should be. I know it should be a no-brainer, but I have to contemplate these things on a daily basis. I pray a lot about what to do in hard situations like this. I call them hard. Some wouldn't, but I do.

I don't have 5 kids. I have one, and I still think it's hard sometimes. I don't like for my kid to cry, but I am okay with him being fussy and letting him learn to get over some things on his own. I don't pick him up every time he makes a noise because I want him to be able to play by himself. He shouldn't always need my undivided attention. It's called self-play, and it's a wonderful thing for him and for me.

Needless to say, no matter how hard I try to ignore the new constant crying thing he's got going on (and I do mean constant) and just treat him as I normally would, playing with him sometimes (still crying), picking him up sometimes (still crying), talking to him (still crying), singing (still crying), feeding him (still crying), and letting him sit and play on his own (still crying), it's just hard. What is going on?! I really do have a lot of patience, but I don't have the understanding, and oh how that frustrates me. People tell me, "It must be his teeth, oh he must be sick, oh he's tired, oh he's hungry, oh...." No, he's really not. He's fine, and I'm 99% sure of it, because I've seen him in all of those situations and I know that there is nothing wrong with him. He's not sick, tired, hungry, wet, or teething. He's mad about life today. He does have happy moments in between the tantrums, of course, and we'll even sit and read a book quietly together, but for the most part, it's just been hard.

This morning I sat on the edge of my bed holding Truett at 6am after about an hour of his tears. He still continued to cry, so I joined him.

I know some of you would say, "Oh Michelle, call me!" I sure would, but it is almost a catch 22, because although I could call people, it's nearly impossible in the midst of a crying fit that never ends. Although I could go visit people, Truett would puke all over their stuff. It's not a might. It's a "No, he will ruin your couch or your carpet." Although I could go somewhere, him missing a nap on a cranky day like this really is the end of the world to me and not worth the trip to anywhere, plus I'd have to change his clothes about 5 times like usual, and it's just not worth it in the end. They sound like excuses don't they? Yeah, I'm pretty sure they are. But they are realistic. I know myself, and I know it's not worth it to get out of the house too much with a super soaker wearing cranky pants.

Sometimes being a mom is harder than teaching a class of middle-schoolers. People never talk about the bad days. I mean, who advertises that stuff? But I just want to be honest about the ups AND downs of parenting. There are 20 wonderful days for every 5 hard ones.

Today is a hard one. That's where God is my strength, because he always answers me when I ask him to help me. Always. Every time. In the midst of the storms, I will praise him all the more, because that is when I am reminded how much I need him. This morning was the most worshipful moment of the entire week, and I praised God in the midst of Truett's crying fit, because he never left me and he told me just what to do. He is my wisdom and my strength.


So yes, I believe it's possible to be joyful and full of thanks while feeling overwhelmed and exhausted by life. I am thankful today for so much, including each crying moment, each changed outfit, each smile, book, hug, and nap. God is good, all the time.

Call me crazy, but I'd take 10 more kids.

Family Pictures

Thank you, Jonathan, for such a beautiful life.

Happy half birthday, little Truett.

I love my family. (Thanks Hillary for the beautiful pics) 

End of story. 

Mom Choices

So here's the thing, I believe there is a debate that's been going on for the last decade and will continue on for....well...maybe the eternity of the world.

I struggle with it every day.
I think about it.
I pray about it.

For all you moms out there, you'll recognize the thought, "Should I work or should I stay home with my kids?" It's a noble question and worth thinking about. I see both sides clearly. God gave me Truett. He is a precious gift. I love more than anything to spend time with him, take care of him, hug him, cuddle him when he's sick, and watch him grow. I LOVE him. Love. If I loved him anymore I'd just throw up. Seriously. He's that fun.

If I stayed home with him I'd get more time with him to do all of those fun things, and be there for him every day, all the time. I'd eventually teach him the alphabet, how read, all about manners, I'd take him to the pool, and I'd clean up a lot of his messes in the process. It seems glorious to wake up each morning and take care of a child and a house, and I'm sure it is...most of the time. I bet it'd also be hard to feel like you weren't allowed to spend money because you weren't working, that you never got dressed up or saw any of your friends because you were always at home cleaning up messes and making dinner, or on the days where temper tantrums reigned supreme. I bet that'd be hard too.

I also think of how I feel now, working. Each morning I drop Truett off to his wonderful class with two women that truly love him and his little friend Aiden. I feel guilty inside for leaving him, and try as I may to put him out of my mind, I still think about how much I miss him all throughout the day (Yes, Jonathan, I think of you too). I also think about how much I love my job. I love how I'm allowed to use my gifts and talents for the Lord, how I am learning and growing and developing into a better woman, mom, and friend by working with such wonderful people. I'm gaining more understanding, patience, and love from those around me. Sure, it's hard knowing that your kid is just upstairs and you have to finish that work by 5 and you're not sure you can squeeze in your whole to-do list in a single workday. Whew! It's hard. I forget half of everything I say I'll remember going out the door each morning, and half the time I don't have time for lunch. It's hard trying to stop and get groceries, run a "quick" errand, or even make a phone call, because I know the time I have with him is precious. I choose to make the most of my time with him, and away from him. So which option is best? Caring for my child first? Or caring for myself first so I can care for my child by being the best person I can be?

I don't think there is a decision that will ever be right for everyone. It's something that should be carefully considered, because children are a true gift from God, and each child is unique and special. But each mom is also unique, and women have different needs too. Working doesn't mean that I love my child less. It means that the time I spend with him is that much more focused, meaningful, and I give him the best me every single day. I'm the mom that will work hard to fulfill my goals and work with the gifts the Lord gave me each day, but I'll also drop them all when I go home to be with my husband and my kid each night. I so highly admire moms that stay home with their kids each day. The good, the bad, the naughty, the nice, the cute, the dirty, the cranky, the hilarious, and every other attitude in between. It's a real gift and it's not an easy job. There is something to be said for each side of the coin.

Today I'm on tales. Sure, I still debate every morning for a split second if I'm on the right side, but I know in my heart that I am exactly where the Lord has called me to be "for such a time as this" and I am honored to live out his plan, making the most of EVERY opportunity that comes my way. Life is too short to regret. I'm making the right choice, and God has and will continue to honor me because of it. Someday my circumstance might change, but for now, God is providing more than I ever imagined, so I would be foolish to leave such a  grand gift, and that doesn't make me a bad mom.

This I declare about the LORD: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I trust him. Psalm 91:2 NLT

So, my dear brothers and sisters, be strong and immovable. Always work enthusiastically for the Lord, for you know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless. 1 Colossians 15:58 NLT

Truett @ 4 Months

Crazy how time goes by. I just can't even believe how old Truett is. Wasn't I just struggling with pregnancy like...yesterday? :) Life is fun. I love my family!

Truett's Life Verse

I stressed about this verse for the longest time because I wanted it to be perfect. In the midst of my minor panic attack after realizing I wasn't going to have time to read the bible cover to cover again just for one verse, I let it go. Although it matters, it doesn't make the person. Truett's verse is really more for us, the parents. After all, we're just borrowing him from God, and doing the best we can to raise him, and this verse helps represent what we wish for his life.

Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness.

Colossians 2:7 NLT

9 Things I've Learned about Motherhood

1. Do not underestimate a good swaddle. Swaddling is magical.

2. Muscus is a big deal. If they can't breathe, they can't breathe.

3. Sleep is overrated. Enjoy the late nights. I betcha you'll look back someday and wish for those quiet times again. You can't hold them forever.

4. Eating well makes a huge difference. It not only helps you feel better, but if you're a feeding mother, you'll learn the necessity of good food. It's the difference between a content sleepy baby or a gassy cranky one. Eat smart.

5. Prayer and quiet time is necessary. End of story.

6. Learn to say no. Sure, you shouldn't let a baby completely determine your life, but things will change a little, and that's okay. It's kind of what you signed up for, right? We still go out with friends, but we also set limits. We do extra stuff only twice a week, and we try to be back home by 8pm. This stage won't last forever, and for us, it's what works.

7. Exercise. You can't take care of others if you don't take care of yourself first.

8. No one's kid is the same, so not all advice should be either. Use what you can, and don't worry if what works for someone else doesn't work for you. I bet your kid will be just fine if you choose to have him on a schedule or not. :)

9. Leave the dirty dishes. This one is hard for me because I like a clean house, but guess what I love more? And guess what else? I'M NOT MISSING IT.

For all you mommas out there, have any of you ever had a kid that spit up buckets? I don't mean a few wet burps either, I mean...BUCKETS. Jonathan and I stopped calling it "burping him" and we now call it "spitting him" because it's gotten so bad. It's usually around 3oz of liquid. Poor little guy hates it coming up just as much as I hate watching it. Yes, he's on Prilosec for acid reflux, and I think it helps him feel better. Unfortunately, it doesn't really help the spitting in the slightest. :) I'm okay with having a kid that is wet all of the time and constantly wearing a bib. There are bigger problems in life. He's healthy and mostly feels pretty good I think. It's not affecting his growth, so I'm okay with it. The only time it's hard to handle is when I'm tired, he feels miserable, I'm completely wet, he's completely wet, and he's screaming because he's still hungry. Now that, that is hard. I don't know why you never hear about stories like this before you have kids. I mean, I guess people don't want to be debbie downers and tell you about all of their problems if your child is going to be just fine. I get that. But I mean, NEVER had I heard about this until Truett. The doctor says he is perfectly fine as long as he's growing and not showing signs that he's in too much pain, so we are thankful for our very chill child, considering how he's probably feeling. What a trooper!

On the flip side, I'm thankful that Truett is a great sleeper. We bath, feed, and spit him around 10 or 11 and put him down, usually with his eyes wide open, and we don't hear his voice again until 6 or 7 am. I'm not sure how we got so lucky there, but that's okay with me. On days when I think, man this spitting is a lot to handle, I realize that I guess that's why God allows me to get good sleep. It really is a give and take. He's growing...and he's happy. Thank you Lord for your many many MANY blessings. We sure don't deserve them all, but you keep sending them down one after the other. If I thanked you every day of my life, I would never come close to catching up.

Sometimes I get kinda cranky after I have to give Truett a bath at 2am, and then rock him for 4 hours and he still won't go to sleep. But then I think, in a couple of years when he doesn't want to be held anymore and he says, "I can do it myself, mom." I bet I'd give my left hand to rock him for 4 hours in the middle of the night, which is why I enjoy each and every minute with Little T, regardless of what time it is.

Truett

He's here. 9 lbs. 3 oz. and 21 3/4 inches long. Our life will never be the same again...in a great way. Welcome little man. Thanks to Hillary for being there on our special day to take some pics. These aren't all of them, by any means, but you get the picture. :)

Oh my heart...

I asked God to give Jonathan and I exactly what we needed, and we got a boy. I feel like I just won the lottery. :) I really can't wait to meet him, and see what color his eyes are, and if he's good at baseball, and learn what his favorite color is.

I think we know a name, but we'll announce it soon once we're sure. :) Thanks for all the congratulations! We feel very loved. Welcome little baby boy!

Pink & Blue...or Yellow? That is the question.

So we're supposed to find out the gender of our baby on July 6th, but let me tell ya, I'm having second thoughts. Now I kind of think it'd be a sweet surprise. Maybe all the clothes we get will end up being yellow, green, purple, and white. And...maybe that's okay.

I don't have a picture.

So, this is more of a talky blog. I always love fun pictures, but it's just not one of those days.

So, I haven't talked much about being pregnant, but man, almost at week 16, I guess it's okay now huh? I should probably stop living in denial and start embracing whatever it is that I'm supposed to love about pregnancy. I'm gonna be honest, why do people always say they love being pregnant? I feel like you just feel huge and sick all the time. I'm certainly NOT doubting that the sweet little baby will be worth it all, I already believe that, and love the little thing so much. But, I'm not rejoicing in my sleep about the extra nausea, indigestion, tiredness, or looking in the mirror and thinking, hmmm did I gain 5 pounds, like, just today?

I may change my tune in a couple of months, but today...that's the honest truth.

What is the most fun part of being pregnant? To me? Praying for this little life that God has trusted Jonathan and I with. Second, decorating the nursery of course! I haven't done much, but have some serious fun ideas flowing. Perhaps I'll do a before and after post when it's finished! That would be fun!

God bless my little readers who are tuning in. As much as I don't love belly pics, I might post one just so you can follow along every once in awhile. :) Much love!