Comfort

Today during my devotions, I asked God this question:

If I were to put on one garment of clothing this week (figuratively), what would it be? What does it represent?

I sat for a while, looking out the window, asking God to answer me, and I heard a lot of peace and quiet. I didn't hear many words from the Lord, which is fine. Perhaps it wasn't the best question, but I waited and listened anyway. Then I began to see in my mind, co. I'm not sure what I was hoping for, but co didn't make much sense. Please don't stop God. What is it? What is the word? Help me grow into who you have planned for me to be, and teach me what I need to learn so that I can do your will! I'm listening. I'll do whatever you ask, Lord. And then it came... comfort. Put on comfort. Learn it and know what I say about comfort, so that you can be there for others in their time of need this week. 

In a million years, I would not have thought to stop and read about God's comfort today. But because it just takes a few moments to stop and listen, God could talk with me, and I can be there for someone else this week. What do you want to ask God today? Take a moment of time, and sit, ask a question, and then listen for his voice. Just listen. He'll come through for you too. He always comes through.

All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.

2 Corinthians 1:3-5

Lately

Ya know, lately, God has been telling me some pretty cool things...when I am paying attention. It's like I should pay attention more often or something. :)

Like today, when I was driving home from a longer commute, he reminded me, "Hey Michelle, I know you think you're busy, and you are, but you're doing all the wrong things. Yes, you're doing really important things, and you'll finish those too, but you are forgetting to love people. Love is the best thing you can spend your life doing. Don't forget that, ok? Just love other people. You may not make awesome things or be the greatest leader that ever lived, or make everyone happy. Those are all good things, but do you know what I think is the greatest? Loving other people, and you're really good at that."

And then later tonight, I was reading Truett two books before bed...one book called Opposites and of course, Are You My Mother, which I have no idea why he loves so much. :) We finished them and he asked to read the Bible. Of course, I wasn't going to say no to that so I flipped through until I found the story about Christmas, and the wise men traveling to meet Jesus. I love this Bible he has by the way, and I think every kid should have one (Jesus Storybook Bible)! It puts stories so simply and beautifully in a way I've never read before. I actually enjoy reading it as an adult just as much or not more than Truett! The last lines of the page, just as the wise men gave the toddler Jesus their gifts said something to the effect of, "...he didn't come to be rich. He was poor. He didn't come to be a powerful boss. He was a servant." And guess what? Tonight, Truett's little kid bible made me cry, because for those 30 seconds as I reread those last words, I felt Jesus hug me long and tight, just like a little kid. I literally was a little kid for 30 seconds in my mind. He said in such plain words to me, "Michelle, be more like that. Be poor, be a servant, and be ok with loving other people like a kid loves. Depend on me and see how life goes." He came to show me how to live, and I'm a fool not to take note of how he did it. He's reaching out, and I'm listening.

God is so real, and he really does talk when we ask questions. He really does care about your day! IF you STOP and ask him questions, he promises to be with you and answer you. Stopping your life to talk is YOUR responsibility, and answering is his. He is faithful. I have never not received an answer to a question that I have asked the Lord. Never, not even once! It might not be the answer I was wanting, or he may have been silent, but his answer was to wait, and that was still abundantly clear.

Lord God, all I need in life is to be known for loving you and loving others. That's really all I need. Help me be more of that. I suck at knowing how to do it, but I'm going to do my best to listen and follow your lead. Can you help me?

You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you! 

Isaiah 36:3

Today was crazy, but it sure ended well.

Everyday Moments

What is God teaching you in your life right now? I'd love to know! It's amazing to me that God can be real to so many people all at one time! What is he talking to you about?

For me, God is teaching me to sit quietly and learn to hear his voice among the everyday moments. When I'm listening to a song I love, doing my makeup, traveling somewhere in the car with a singing toddler, or even in a scary medical moment, God is there, and he's whispering to me. Whether I'm talking about what to make for dinner, thinking about the to-do list, in the midst of a disagreement, or cleaning the house, it's still up to me to listen to God in the middle of it all. I am learning to hear more clearly the voice of my Lord, even in the busy moments. "I will take care of you," he whispers. He's always talking to me, but it's only in the moments that I'm listening that his voice reaches my ears. He's never pushy, but always present. Never in a hurry, but always gracious. I want to be more like that.

Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Jeremiah 29:12-13

When life takes a sharp turn.

He must become greater and greater, and I must become less and less.

John 3:30

Hmm, where do I even begin? Five or six months ago, I remember very vividly walking down the hallway of our house back to our room, and on the way, I prayed this prayer to God, "God, I know this sounds crazy, but I'm asking you now to give me a struggle. I am constantly battling to control my life, and I believe a real hardship would bring perspective, humility, trust, grace, strength, and beauty that I have yet to know, all because I am holding on too tightly to what I want. Am I crazy for asking? Maybe I am, and I'm pretty scared to ask you this, because what if you really send me something terrible? I have to push those thoughts aside though, God, and I know it, because the only way I have ever learned anything in my life up to this point wasn't always in the good times. Life-altering events usually happen in the midst of struggles, don't they? Will you give me a struggle and grow my faith to a place I've never known? And God, whatever way the struggle comes, if you even choose to send one, I need you to know in advance that I will thank you for it." And actually, as an answer to my very own prayer, on Valentine's Day of 2013, I was diagnosed with a chronic disease known as Multiple Sclerosis.

In September and October of last year, I had a long battle with vertigo. It all started randomly as I was driving to my first day of bootcamp. I had no idea why or when it came on, or if it was just the fact that it was 5am, but then it never went away. It knocked me over occasionally, made me crazy dizzy at times, and normal at others. My eyes were jumpy and I saw double. It was truly a very scary two months of my life. But, after seeing my doctor, a chiropractor, visiting an ENT doc, getting back clear MRI results, and through some prayer and time, it just went away on it's own. I was so thankful, and done asking questions! Maybe it was just a bizarre "loose rock in my ear" thing like the ENT said after all? Or was it.

In November, I went back to the doctor for stomach pain. Weird. My stomach had never hurt me so bad before, and it wasn't like food poising pain, it was like, someone socked me in the stomach but I must have been sleeping and missed it pain. I was prescribed some Prilosec for ulcers and sent on my way. I was starting to feel like a hypochondriac really. Was I out of my mind and making a big deal about little things? I didn't think so, but I was feeling a little that way. After all, I usually went to the doctor for the flu. This was a little different.

In December, I noticed that my left eye wasn't seeing vivid color anymore and hurt pretty bad. My brightest red shirt looked only a faint pink, so I went to an ophthalmologist which turned into a neuro-ophthalmologist, and he diagnosed it as optical neurosis. He also ordered another MRI, which I considered to seem quite silly, since, didn't I just get one? But, he was convinced it wasn't the right one, because it didn't show enough contrast, so he asked me to go back again for more detailed tests.

I put off the test. I didn't want to pay for it. I mean really, I'm 26 and I'm fine! My eye was back to normal anyway.

In January, my body started showing all kind of these red rashes on my skin occasionally, and I got really ill at a moments notice and had to lay down.  I couldn't pinpoint the cause of these feelings, but they would come and go randomly. Hmm.

In February, my left leg started to burn...like it was on fire. When my body got hot, like when I would blow-dry my hair in the mornings, the burn intensified and it felt like a torch was straight-up burning my flesh right off. It was torturous, and really bizarre.

That right there, I believe was the moment that I began to really wonder, ok really. What is going on? Apparently, in my first MRI scan back in September, the radiologist missed a few things, and thought the scan was clear. After the second MRI came back with multiple white spots on my brain called lesions, they rechecked the first scan and noticed that the enhancements were there to begin with, and had grown significantly in some spots, and a few smaller new ones had formed. My doctors called me on Valentine's Day (I mean really, I'm never going to forget that ya'll) to tell me that they were sorry, but that it looked like the only real and viable option for these symtoms was very likely to be an advanced form of multiple sclerosis. Talk about a shocker. And why did they use the word advanced? It scared me to death. I am 26, healthy, working out, a mom, a God-fearing girl who loves my family, and I always thought I was normal. I didn't feel normal that day, and it took me a good 24 hours to regain any sort of normal feeling, don't worry. :)

But, when I stopped to calm down, to push past the pain of "what ifs" and "maybes" I realized that there was something so much deeper that I had been actually been given. What if God planned for me to be more than normal? What if I was to leave a comfortable life to live an even better one, one of total and complete trust in God? Because really, that's all I had.

Could it be true? The doctors referred me to a neurologist who is now testing my body galore, which don't get me wrong, I'm very thankful for. He wants to make certain that this is the correct diagnosis and all is as we think, and is currently treating me with strong steroids, that I have to admit, are intimidating to me considering I have to administer a drip to myself via IV in my own arm, and pull the dumb thing out after 3 days! I am NOT a nurse, and I do NOT do needles. But, I will learn, and God will help me. I take pills, and I pray. That's about it! I'm so thankful for the treatment, because my leg doesn't burn, my arm doesn't twitch, and the side effects don't exist for me like the doctor said (thanks to my husband's STRONG prayers), and mostly because...my God is bigger!

God never leaves us alone. When has he ever? If you know me, you know by now that this is not a terrible season in my life, or in Jonathan's. God has always provided for our family, and now is no different. And it's not just about me either. Jonathan has been diagnosed with simple partial seizures this past month, that hit him about 10-12 times daily. I've told Jonathan on more than one occasion, we must really be making Satan mad or he wouldn't be this persistent! We face trails of many kinds, and we are thankful, because through these trails God sends us hope each day. Lately God has been whispering to me.... "Michelle, I will provide." 

On days when I need hope, God is my hope. 
On days when I need love, or understanding, or laughter, God is that to me. 
On days when I need reassurance, and a reminder of trust, God send those things to me. 
On days when I need hugs, or kind words, God is there. 
On days when I'm feeling sorry for myself, or worrying (which I choose to battle with all my strength) about the future, God is my healer and my rescuer.

He doesn't judge me. He doesn't condemn my life. He cares deeply for me, and he already knows how this story is going to end. I don't have to waste time. Yes....WASTE time, wondering how next week is going to go, or the next day, because he's already gone before me and prepared my way! I need you to know and completely understand, that I am not sad, I'm not hopeless, and I'm certainly not confused. I am CHOOSING to completely and utterly live on God's promises, and that is the only place I choose to be. God's word says:

We not have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves.

2 Corinthians 4:7

All of this is for your benefit. And as God's grace reaches more and more people, there will be great thanksgiving, and God will receive more and more glory. That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don't look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but things we cannot see will last forever.

2 Corinthians 4:15-18

Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 
Philippians 4:6

Can I get a hallelujah?

I appreciate each and every prayer for healing, even kind word, and every note, scripture, and song. I feel so very loved by so very many caring and adoring friends. Thank you for being Christ to me and to my family!

Michelle

God is Trustworthy

If God says he'll do it, he'll do it. 

I've never had to lay awake at night wondering if God was going to come through on a promise. Have you? I'm willing to bet my life that you haven't, and you know why? Because he's completely trustworthy. In fact, he cares more about you than  you could possibly even care about yourself. He's your biggest fan.

God is not a man, so he does not lie. He is not human, so he does not change his mind. Has he ever spoken and failed to act? Has he ever promised and not carried through? 

Numbers 23:19 (NLT)

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