Looking Back with God

So this past year. My goodness, let's talk about that, huh? God has blessed me in so many unbelievable ways, but has also challenged me beyond what I thought was my capacity. Beyond words, actions, thoughts, and everything in between. But that's the thing with God. One thing I'm sure of is that he may challenge you, he may allow hard circumstances, but he will never ever leave you, or leave you the same. Praise to him for that!

Where to begin? In January I was celebrating having the most adorable 1 year old. It's hard to try and remember how that was, actually, even though it was a short year ago. Truett was struggling with keeping food down, still spitting up a lot, and I was working on the Learning Team at LifeChurch.tv. In February, Jonathan was diagnosed with epilepsy and having simple partial seizures, which has since been taken care of with medication and really great doctors! That same week, I got some surprising MRI results with "white matter" appearing, and took multiple tests and saw several doctors before being diagnosed with MS in March. Can I just say, God is so good? It's all good, and life is hard sometimes, but you know what people don't hear about? The day to day. The little things. The quiet whispers in each and every moment. The little things that God provides. The small ways that he speaks to me daily, luring me back to himself. He is there, by my side at all times, encouraging me and loving me...winning me over with his love. There's not other way to put it. God hears all, sees all, and knows all, and this year has been all about trusting.

I have changed my diet drastically. It's not for fun, trust me. It's a non-fat, gluten free, non processed food diet. I'm not sure how else to put it. It's not always fun, but I know that someday will come when I will be thankful for every choice I ever made when I have more kids, a long healthy life, and when God proves his faithfulness to me when I'm healed 100%. Trust me, the day will come, and the Lord should be exalted in every way. All good things come from him. ALL good things, and in my little mind, my small life is important to me, and I'm important to God, but I seriously am the smallest little thread in this grand tapestry that he is weaving, and I'm thankful to be the best Michelle I can be! That doesn't mean I have perfect health, it doesn't mean I never make mistakes, and it doesn't mean I'm a perfect mother.

It means I have trust in the Lord more than my feelings.
It means I know who I am and not just what I do every day.
It means I choose to believe that I am special and significant, and the smallest menial tasks matter to God.
It means that I am not good, but since God is, he has forgiven me and sees me as good anyway. (Can I get an amen?)

Ironic then, that at the end of this 2013, I have been struggling with anxiety and panic attacks. I hate to admit it, but then again, I don't. I'm real, I'm authentic, and I refuse to hide any part of my life. Cause guess what? I'm willing to bet there are at least 5 other people out there that are reading this blog, wondering if they're the only ones. And you're not. God is doing a work in me right now, just like I believe he can and will do a good work in you! In 2014, I will not be shaken. He holds my hand and he is right beside me. I refuse to take medication for panic, because I know that God hears me and he cares. The reality that shakes my physical body is sometimes linked to my mental state, and I simply have begun putting myself through a spiritual bootcamp. If I am weak, he will make me strong. When I am not good enough, he will restore my thoughts and my spirit. He has not given me a spirit of fear, but of love....and of a sound mind. I have always been a stubborn person, and I don't apologize for it. I'm strong in whatever I set my mind to, and I'm setting my mind to this. God can and will restore my thoughts, my life, and he will use me in remarkable ways for his glory!

In 2014, God will be glorified through me, I will have discipline in every aspect of my life, and I will, I will, I will...enjoy the ride.

It's going to be a good year at this house, you can count on it!

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline."

2 Timothy 1:7

Michelle

Lately

Ya know, lately, God has been telling me some pretty cool things...when I am paying attention. It's like I should pay attention more often or something. :)

Like today, when I was driving home from a longer commute, he reminded me, "Hey Michelle, I know you think you're busy, and you are, but you're doing all the wrong things. Yes, you're doing really important things, and you'll finish those too, but you are forgetting to love people. Love is the best thing you can spend your life doing. Don't forget that, ok? Just love other people. You may not make awesome things or be the greatest leader that ever lived, or make everyone happy. Those are all good things, but do you know what I think is the greatest? Loving other people, and you're really good at that."

And then later tonight, I was reading Truett two books before bed...one book called Opposites and of course, Are You My Mother, which I have no idea why he loves so much. :) We finished them and he asked to read the Bible. Of course, I wasn't going to say no to that so I flipped through until I found the story about Christmas, and the wise men traveling to meet Jesus. I love this Bible he has by the way, and I think every kid should have one (Jesus Storybook Bible)! It puts stories so simply and beautifully in a way I've never read before. I actually enjoy reading it as an adult just as much or not more than Truett! The last lines of the page, just as the wise men gave the toddler Jesus their gifts said something to the effect of, "...he didn't come to be rich. He was poor. He didn't come to be a powerful boss. He was a servant." And guess what? Tonight, Truett's little kid bible made me cry, because for those 30 seconds as I reread those last words, I felt Jesus hug me long and tight, just like a little kid. I literally was a little kid for 30 seconds in my mind. He said in such plain words to me, "Michelle, be more like that. Be poor, be a servant, and be ok with loving other people like a kid loves. Depend on me and see how life goes." He came to show me how to live, and I'm a fool not to take note of how he did it. He's reaching out, and I'm listening.

God is so real, and he really does talk when we ask questions. He really does care about your day! IF you STOP and ask him questions, he promises to be with you and answer you. Stopping your life to talk is YOUR responsibility, and answering is his. He is faithful. I have never not received an answer to a question that I have asked the Lord. Never, not even once! It might not be the answer I was wanting, or he may have been silent, but his answer was to wait, and that was still abundantly clear.

Lord God, all I need in life is to be known for loving you and loving others. That's really all I need. Help me be more of that. I suck at knowing how to do it, but I'm going to do my best to listen and follow your lead. Can you help me?

You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you! 

Isaiah 36:3

Today was crazy, but it sure ended well.

Everyday Moments

What is God teaching you in your life right now? I'd love to know! It's amazing to me that God can be real to so many people all at one time! What is he talking to you about?

For me, God is teaching me to sit quietly and learn to hear his voice among the everyday moments. When I'm listening to a song I love, doing my makeup, traveling somewhere in the car with a singing toddler, or even in a scary medical moment, God is there, and he's whispering to me. Whether I'm talking about what to make for dinner, thinking about the to-do list, in the midst of a disagreement, or cleaning the house, it's still up to me to listen to God in the middle of it all. I am learning to hear more clearly the voice of my Lord, even in the busy moments. "I will take care of you," he whispers. He's always talking to me, but it's only in the moments that I'm listening that his voice reaches my ears. He's never pushy, but always present. Never in a hurry, but always gracious. I want to be more like that.

Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Jeremiah 29:12-13

Seasons

It's what you do with the good season that makes you strong enough for the difficult one.

Are you stuck in a pouring rainstorm? You know, the kind of rain that blows sideways and ruins the trees in your backyard? Or are you relaxing in the middle of a sunny beach listening to the ocean waves and soaking up the summer breeze? Maybe you're just enjoying the nice fall weather and you're somewhere in the middle.

Stop and think about whatever season you're in, and let's talk. First, let me remind you oh so honestly that God is constant. He does not change. Ever. Isn't that the best news you've heard all day? What he said thousands of years ago is still just as true today, so you can believe his promises--every single one. Open up that Bible and read it! All kind of wisdom and life-secrets are in there, and free for the taking! :)

So what season are you in? 

A good season- What are you doing today to prepare for hard days? This is your chance to load the ammo, fill up your cup, and stockpile Ramen noodles. The way I prepare for these harder seasons is with fanatic discipline. I could make a goal to run a marathon next week, but if I don't train for weeks and months, I'd probably only get 10 miles in before I quit. Am I right? A long, slow, walk is going to take me much farther. Do you need to read the Bible every morning? Meet with an accountability partner every week? What is it? If God is a part of your life every day, you're not going to wake up in a hard season and suddenly forget him. God is constant, and we should strive to be like him. Start now, and don't just pray to him when you're in trouble. He wants to to talk to you all the time. For heavens sake, I tell him jokes, ask him about my groceries, and then pray for miracles and complete healing from life-threatening illnesses. Nothing is off-limits!

A difficult season- What are you doing to remember God's faithfulness? Are you marching on each day with constant love and trust in the God that never leaves you? What are you learning? Allow this time to help your heart to grow. What a blessing! If you never had hard times, you'd never have an opportunity to grow your trust in God! If we are only happy in the good times, where is the fun in that? It's in the hard times that you have a chance to prove that what you say is true, and that you really are who you say that you are. Believe it or not, I've learned to pray for these hard seasons in life, because they have made me into a much more beautiful person in every way, stretching me to be more flexible, loving, kind, generous, understanding, and thankful than every before.

"Don't grieve God. Don't break his heart. His Holy Spirit, moving and breathing in you, is the most intimate part of your life, making you fit for himself. Don't take such a gift for granted." -Ephesians 4:30

God is for you.

The Lord is compassionate and merciful, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. He will not constantly accuse us, nor remain angry forever. He does not punish us for all of our sins; he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve. For his unfailing love toward those who fear him is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth. He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west. 

Psalm 103:8-12 NLT

Rough Waters

Sometimes life has rough waters, and sometimes it's easy sailing. All I know is that whatever ship you choose to cross the ocean, choose carefully. If you had told me what the last 60 days would have looked like a year ago, I may have cried. I'll start with the hard stuff and end it well. Please wait for the magical finale. In my life, these are not just coincidental, these are truly amazing works of God, my Father, who daily bears my burdens...

Give thanks to the LORD and proclaim his greatness.Let the whole world know what he has done. 

1 Chronicles 16:8

• Our AC went out for the billionth time, so we lived in a hot house for a few days...weeks. Well, we have these really awesome friends, the Hamiltons, who let us move in with them for that 105 degree week, and greater still, our home insurance plan covered our new $7,000 AC unit so we only spent a measly $300 to replace it. Don't you think God knew?
• Our roof got pelted with hail, so insurance said we needed a new one. So we have this really awesome friend, Josh, who hooked us up with a roof for less than the insured amount just so we didn't have to pay anything out of pocket, and there was even some leftover. Who does that for people?! Don't you think God knew?
• Our house was robbed of all electronics, and more than that, we felt so violated and unsafe. Well, we happen to have the most wonderful support system on planet earth, who not only cared about us, loved us, and helped us, but gifted us with THE most wonderful blessings to replace what was lost. Don't you think God knew far far FAR in advance?
• We've been doing Dave Ramsey's Financial University, and that means no spending on pretty much anything. Anything. Yep, go ahead and duck tape those shoes back together (just kidding...kinda). We've been in this class for 6 weeks and already piled over 10x our normal amount on student loans. Never did I know that was possible.
• Jonathan and I shot the most gorgeous wedding a few weeks ago, and our 7 hours of footage was stolen (and hard drives) during the robbery, including all of those amazing photos! Good thing God is in the business of showing off and answering prayers, because the camera cards, which happened to be already erased, were not at our house that day, and were able to be recovered by a company far, far away. Thank you Lord! I'll take it.
• Our family has been plagued with sickness after sickness this month, including the throw up bug. Good thing we are now immune and have a healthy, happy, and walking baby boy!

And because I have seen God's faithfulness in the past, I will trust him with my future. My grandfather is in his last season of life, and I have been experiencing never-ending dizziness that has yet to be diagnosed. Even so, I choose to sail on God's ship through these continuing rocky waters. Cheesy at the analogy might be, it really paints such a real picture in my mind, because I know that there is a beautiful beach waiting just a few miles ahead, and God is going to get me there if I just listen to his directions, one turn at a time.

From his abundance we have received one gracious blessing after another. 

John 1:16

Not to us, O Lord, not to us, but to your name goes all the glory for your unfailing love and faithfulness. 

Psalm 115:1

Regain Your Balance

A young student once asked an accomplished fighter, "Teacher, you never lose your balance. What is your secret?"

"You are wrong," the teacher replied. "I am constantly losing my balance. My skill lies in my ability to regain it."

So often we focus on the bad in our lives. We talk about what's going wrong, what we fail to do well, and the one microscopic thing that we believe is our greatest fault. Focusing on the wrong things is like rejecting a piece of award-winning cake because the frosting around the edge is crooked. Although it's great to have self-awareness, it's important not to let that paralyze us from moving in the right direction!

A couple of nights ago, I got into an argument with my husband, Jonathan. We were talking about how I many times failed to listen to him, and many times added too much input instead of simply letting him air his feelings...and he was right. I didn't mean to do it, and I didn't realize I was doing it. I could have been really discouraged or embarrassed. I could have beat myself up for talking too much and told myself I was a terrible wife, or held in feelings of insecurity and resentment. I didn't though, because those things aren't true. I know my identity in Christ, and can therefore move in the right direction because I have the greatest teacher to learn from! If the purpose of our relationship is to resolve arguments, not win them, then isn't the correct response love? Jonathan was trying to help me, and I knew it. In that instant I could have tried to change him, or I could haven't owned my own fault in the situation. I could have fallen over and lost my balance, or I could fight to regain it. So...I decided right then that I would improve 10%. I probably wouldn't change overnight, but next time we had an argument, I committed to myself that I would be intentional to listen at least 10% better than I did the time before, because before long, I would be a world-class listener, right?! :)

So here's my question. What are you doing to grow by 10%? Where do you need balance the most in your life?

What about letting go of some control? Your quick reactions? Your uncaring attitude? The finance struggle you'll never win? Your sarcasm? Reigning in your tongue? Ouch. Hurts, huh? We all struggle at different things, but what can do to regain identity in Christ is equally important.

You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

Ephesians 4:22-24

The real you is a hand-picked magnificent masterpiece of God and he had plans for you long before you were born. You are precious to him, and letting one small thing get in the way of knowing that would be the biggest tragedy there could possibly be. You, yes YOU, are an overcomer, and you can definitely improve by 10%! I don't even know some of you and I believe in you! Before you know it you'll be up to 80% and wonder how the change occurred so quickly. Believe in yourself, and allow God to show you where you should change yourself. You're worth the effort. Give yourself a chance.

Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.

 Ephesians 4:32

Safe

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.

Psalm 56:3 (NIV)

I have this bad habit.

I worry when Jonathan is gone. Now I'll be the first to admit that I'm a recovering worrier. You could even call me an ex-worrier in counseling. I've had this struggle my entire life. 

So Jonathan left this past weekend, and of course, before bed, this thought went through my mind, "Michelle, you better check all the locks, because someone is going to break in tonight and kill you if the doors aren't secure." 

Wha?!?!?!?! I know. That's ridiculous, right? 

But my dear readers, I actually thought it might be true, and began to worry. I wasn't I-don't-want-to-see-that-horror-movie scared, I was I-need-Jonathan-to-talk-me-off-the-ledge scared. But why?

The Bible tells us that Satan is the father of lies (John 8:44), and he'll do anything to get us off course. For me, he knows that scaring me into a worry frenzy is the best way to ruin my confidence in God, and I can choose to believe Satan's lies, or I can choose to believe God's promises. God never leaves us. If you struggle with worry or fear, take heart, because God is bigger! I slept just fine last night because God was with me, and I decided long ago that I would refuse to worry, because God holds each day of my life in his hands and knew me before I was ever born. Why would I not trust him in all circumstances?

This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I trust him.

Psalm 91:2 (NLT)

God is Trustworthy

If God says he'll do it, he'll do it. 

I've never had to lay awake at night wondering if God was going to come through on a promise. Have you? I'm willing to bet my life that you haven't, and you know why? Because he's completely trustworthy. In fact, he cares more about you than  you could possibly even care about yourself. He's your biggest fan.

God is not a man, so he does not lie. He is not human, so he does not change his mind. Has he ever spoken and failed to act? Has he ever promised and not carried through? 

Numbers 23:19 (NLT)

Need a place to study the Bible with a community? Check out http://shereadstruth.com/ and join us on a YouVersion reading plan adventure! Or, study the entire Bible for free through an easy, online study tool at Biblex.com.

Materialism

I just deleted a 5 million word post about materialism that I spent an hour writing, because I realized that all I really needed to say could be summed up in a few words:

God didn't die for us to have more stuff. He didn't die so we could buy new shoes or 10 different purses. He died to save us, and if we give away anything and everything that we have, he promises to provide. Be generous with the one who was generous with you. By giving to others, you are being generous to God, because you are loving him completely and trusting him with your entire heart (and bank account). I don't mean just the leftovers either.

Make God the love of your heart.
Make God the love of your heart.
Make God the love of your heart.

Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be. Luke 12:34

Clear as a bubble

So it's not every day that someone broadcasts your sins on the 5 o'clock news, but what if they did? Would you be more honest? Of course you would! Well, unless you intentionally wanted to look like a really bad liar. Hey, it's true. We can all pick them out!

So, what if that was your life? What if every wrong and right thing you've ever done appeared on TV for everyone to see? How proud of your life would you be then?

Shouldn't we live like that every day, all the time? Woah. Hits you right between the eyes doesn't it? It happened to me too, but it's always a great reminder to know that, no matter what, living transparent can be hard, but that's why we have Jesus. We can cling to him and he's not leaving us. Not ever. He's going to walk with us through our hard times without so much as letting go of our hand for a millisecond.

So, if you had to be that transparent, would you? Because, believe it or not, God already saw it all. And he still loves you.

Sometimes, you just need a good verse.

I always love bible verses, but sometimes I go through phases where some just seem to jump off of the page to me. On those days, I just can't help myself. I have to share it!

I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile.

For in the gospel a righteousness from God is revealed, a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written: “The righteous will live by faith.”

Romans 1:16-17

"Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you;

he will never let the righteous fall."

Psalm 55:22

"Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom."

2 Cor. 3:17

Amen!

Faith

Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase.

-Martin Luther King Jr.

Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD,

have never forsaken those who seek you.

-Psalm 9:10

Don't be afraid...of whatever it is that's bothering you today.