I struggle with it every day.
I think about it.
I pray about it.
For all you moms out there, you'll recognize the thought, "Should I work or should I stay home with my kids?" It's a noble question and worth thinking about. I see both sides clearly. God gave me Truett. He is a precious gift. I love more than anything to spend time with him, take care of him, hug him, cuddle him when he's sick, and watch him grow. I LOVE him. Love. If I loved him anymore I'd just throw up. Seriously. He's that fun.
If I stayed home with him I'd get more time with him to do all of those fun things, and be there for him every day, all the time. I'd eventually teach him the alphabet, how read, all about manners, I'd take him to the pool, and I'd clean up a lot of his messes in the process. It seems glorious to wake up each morning and take care of a child and a house, and I'm sure it is...most of the time. I bet it'd also be hard to feel like you weren't allowed to spend money because you weren't working, that you never got dressed up or saw any of your friends because you were always at home cleaning up messes and making dinner, or on the days where temper tantrums reigned supreme. I bet that'd be hard too.
I also think of how I feel now, working. Each morning I drop Truett off to his wonderful class with two women that truly love him and his little friend Aiden. I feel guilty inside for leaving him, and try as I may to put him out of my mind, I still think about how much I miss him all throughout the day (Yes, Jonathan, I think of you too). I also think about how much I love my job. I love how I'm allowed to use my gifts and talents for the Lord, how I am learning and growing and developing into a better woman, mom, and friend by working with such wonderful people. I'm gaining more understanding, patience, and love from those around me. Sure, it's hard knowing that your kid is just upstairs and you have to finish that work by 5 and you're not sure you can squeeze in your whole to-do list in a single workday. Whew! It's hard. I forget half of everything I say I'll remember going out the door each morning, and half the time I don't have time for lunch. It's hard trying to stop and get groceries, run a "quick" errand, or even make a phone call, because I know the time I have with him is precious. I choose to make the most of my time with him, and away from him. So which option is best? Caring for my child first? Or caring for myself first so I can care for my child by being the best person I can be?
I don't think there is a decision that will ever be right for everyone. It's something that should be carefully considered, because children are a true gift from God, and each child is unique and special. But each mom is also unique, and women have different needs too. Working doesn't mean that I love my child less. It means that the time I spend with him is that much more focused, meaningful, and I give him the best me every single day. I'm the mom that will work hard to fulfill my goals and work with the gifts the Lord gave me each day, but I'll also drop them all when I go home to be with my husband and my kid each night. I so highly admire moms that stay home with their kids each day. The good, the bad, the naughty, the nice, the cute, the dirty, the cranky, the hilarious, and every other attitude in between. It's a real gift and it's not an easy job. There is something to be said for each side of the coin.
Today I'm on tales. Sure, I still debate every morning for a split second if I'm on the right side, but I know in my heart that I am exactly where the Lord has called me to be "for such a time as this" and I am honored to live out his plan, making the most of EVERY opportunity that comes my way. Life is too short to regret. I'm making the right choice, and God has and will continue to honor me because of it. Someday my circumstance might change, but for now, God is providing more than I ever imagined, so I would be foolish to leave such a grand gift, and that doesn't make me a bad mom.
This I declare about the LORD: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I trust him. Psalm 91:2 NLT
So, my dear brothers and sisters, be strong and immovable. Always work enthusiastically for the Lord, for you know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless. 1 Colossians 15:58 NLT