Update on Life

What in the world. That's what I say.

I wanted to post an update today to all of those wondering how my journey with MS is going. I don't love dwelling on it, because I feel so good lately, and pretty normal these days. But that's a great reason to write about it, because I have so much good going on, and so much to be thankful for! You all definitely deserve an update, and really, so does God.

When I think of the last month of my life, Philippians 4:6 comes to mind, "Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done." Let me tell you why.

I have a new neurologist, who is the sweetest little lady with the most adorable accent. Who doesn't love a smartie with an accent? I had been waiting to see her for months, because the demand for her is high, and even though I called to check for cancellations ocassionally, there never seemed to be any quick movement. I felt impatient most days, constantly praying for an opening on her calendar to get in sooner, but when I realized it wasn't going to happen, I put my patient pants on and life got a little sweeter. When you can't do anything about your circumstances, it really frees you to just stop worrying, doesn't it? I went to visit her a couple of weeks ago and she confirmed my diagnosis and started explaining all of my medication options. My previous doctor had encouraged me to start shot treatments right away (blah), but I really felt that I should wait and see another doctor first, if not just for a second opinion. Boy am I glad. In the last couple of weeks, a brand new medication was released to treat MS called BG-12. It's got limited side-effects that actually go away over time, and has been proven to be 20% more effective than the popular shots available, and the BEST part about it? It's a pill, not a shot! Why yes, I'm actually not dreaming, but you could have fooled me! How did I get to live in this small sliver of history with these awesome medical breakthroughs?

My doctor explained that if I had previously started medication (daily shots) then she would not have ever switched me to the new pill that was just released a few weeks ago, because she would have had no reason to take me off of a medication that was working. The risk is too high for a person's body, especially switching on drugs that work with your immune system in different ways. Since these drugs have lasting effects on a person, it's not smart to switch often, if ever, unless completely necessary. But, since I had not started on anything yet, I got to be a glorious NEW recipient of this awesome drug. Hello!

Can you imagine if the Lord had answered my prayer when I asked him to get me in to see the doctor on my time table? I would have missed this very small window of time, and would have started on a different medication...and been stuck with it. 

But no, God in his mercy, knowing 

the best plan for my life, loved me 

most by not answering my prayer.

What have you been praying for lately that you aren't getting a response from God about? Can I encourage you today to stay the course, give God your trust, and be patient? He's got your BEST interest at heart, and every single morning, I'm lucky enough to be reminded of that...in a pill form.

My doctor said she was impressed with how well I was doing, by the way. I attribute that to lots of prayer and my drastic change in diet. Either way though, she predicts that I may have none, or maybe one episode this year. What?! I can't believe it. If I wrote my own life story, it wouldn't have ever gone this well. I'd say my body is on the way...to a miracle or something. :)

Thank you, friends, for every prayer, every kind word, and every person that believes in miracles. 

The Lord is good, and I believe 

that he makes all things beautiful 

in his time!

Homemade Bread & Jam

Diet. I loathe that word. It doesn't have a good connotation, like ever. Even if it's meant in the best way, people still think it means, "I'm tryin to get skinny, so lay off." In this case, let's just suppose for a moment that I actually do have a new diet, but it's not to lose weight. Sure, that may be a side effect, but I call it a lifestyle choice. It's not easy, but this is life, and I'm going with it, like forever. 

So Multiple Sclerosis is an autoimmune disease, and what fights it off is taking anti-inflammatory drugs, which cost about 55K a year. Whew! Who knew right? But, did you know that there are anti-inflammatory foods, and you can make them right in your kitchen, and they do the EXACT SAME THING? Oh yes, they're called vegetables! The more plant based foods I consume, the better! So of course I don't have to eat this way, and I could have chocolate cake every day of my life, but I choose to eat this way, because I'd rather play it safe and help my body out a little. When I do this, I'm trading in cheeseburgers for the ability to walk someday. I'm giving up milkshakes for the ability to talk. It's a no-brainer really. :) It's just a choice, and for me, it's an easy one. There are also pro-flammatory foods (which, in my specific case, are the bad guys). They disguise themselves as animal fats like milk fat, beef, butter, certain oils, pastries, etc. You get the picture, right? In the end, I decided I'd like to live on the safe side and continually pump good food into my body. So, you can expect every recipe to be pretty darn healthy from here on out. Just a fair warning.

Can I give you an update? It was hard eating this way at first, because I couldn't figure out what I could even have. But after one month, it has become a way of life that's really not a big deal. Hopefully I'll post some really great healthy foods in the days to come that you'll love and that your whole family will enjoy too. Believe it or not, healthy food is tasty! 

Enough talking, let's cook!

Easy Whole Wheat Bread

Here is a healthy bread recipe for almost anyone! It doesn't have any extras (like butter) in it, but still tastes amazing! Our family makes this recipe every other weekend, since there are just three of us, and it lasts quite a while. You'll get two regular sized loaf pans of bread in the end, and they keep for a little over a week. Happy baking!

Ingredients

5 c whole wheat flour

3 T yeast

2 1/4 c milk (it's ok to use sour milk here)

1/2 c molasses

1. Mix yeast, milk, and molasses in a microwavable bowl, and microwave for 1.5 minutes.
2. In a large mixing bowl (I use a Kitchen Aid mixer) add 2 cups of flour.
3. Stir warmed wet mixture and add to the 2 cups of flour, mixing continuously.
4. Slowly add remaining 3 cups of flour until your bread starts to work itself together as it kneads, and looks like this... see how it's all stuck together in a ball? That's good!
   
5. Leave this ball of dough in the bowl you mixed it in and cover with a kitchen towel for 1 hour. If you don't know already, the towel helps the yeast rise, trust me. :)
6. After an hour, punch down the dough a few times (don't overdo it) and shape into loaf appropriate sizes and put the dough inside of two regular loaf pans, spraying them beforehand with cooking spray so the bread doesn't stick. Cover again and let rise 30 minutes-1 hour. Patience, patience, patience my friend. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees in the meantime. 
7. Put in the oven for 30 minutes! 

Eat that bread hot of the oven with a little jam or honey I tell ya! It's the very best thing in the world! Oh say, you'd like to make some  homemade jam too? Why sure, you've come to the right place.

Blueberry Apple Jam

This is easy. easy. easy. If you want to make jam and have never done it before, you're going to love me forever, because this is new person friendly. What I like about this, and what motivated me to make it is the fact that there is NO sugar added, because basically I don't eat straight sugar anymore, and fruit is about the closest I come. For this I use blueberries and applesauce, but I have had fantastic jam made out of strawberries (instead of blueberries) and 100% grape juice (instead of applesauce). I really wanted to try the strawberry when we tried out this delicious blueberry, but we started baking the bread by the time the urge to make jam came over me with hurricane force...well, you see my problem. :) Hot bread cannot wait for jam ya know.

Ingredients

4 cups blueberries (can use frozen, but just thaw beforehand)

1 cup no sugar added applesauce

2 T fruit pectin (no sugar needed kind)

1. Put 4 cups of blueberries in a large metal pot or sauce pan, and start to smash those boogers down to nothing! Don't turn the heat on just yet.
   
2. This is what it looked like when I finished smash, smash, smashing.
   
3. Mix the fruit pectin into the applesauce well and then pour into the smashed up blueberries.
4. Turn on the heat to medium and stir continuously until the mixture begins to boil.
5. Once it starts boiling, stir for 15 minutes straight or until the mixture starts to set up like jam does. Do NOT stop stirring, or that yummy pot of berries will burn, baby. 
   
6. After 15 minutes, remove from heat and let your jam cool.
7. Store in a clean glass container, or sterilized canning jar. Done!
   

And...if you're like me, you can enjoy warm bread with warm jam.  I recommend making these together, obviously. 

Stop Doubting

What happens when you don't have faith? Nothing.

What happens when you do have faith? Everything. 

So tell me, what in the world do you have to lose by believing? I had a conversation with someone not too long ago and it went like this:

Me: I have every faith in the world that God is going to heal me, because he's going to. It's just not the right time yet. I do believe, and I know it deep in my heart, so I simply do not worry. I just don't...like ever. Sure, I learn and read up on stuff, but that doesn't mean I don't trust him. I just know that I know that I know that the Lord has a bigger plan.

Them: You don't think that he might not heal you, Michelle? I'm not saying he can't, because I believe that he can, but I believe he can use you in spite of healing you. Maybe he has a plan for you, while you are sick, because of your outlook or something else.

Me: Yes, you're right, but I believe he's going to heal me, as in completely and miraculously. You just wait and see. I do believe God can use every circumstance for good, though, of course.

Them: That's such a great attitude to have, but I just want you to know that it's ok to be angry at God sometimes, and if he never heals you, it's ok to have those feelings and be upset. That's normal to feel.

I felt God's spirit gently whisper to me, "Maybe you're not normal." God took my mind back to 2007, where I knelt at an altar and the Lord clearly revealed to me that I would be a missionary someday. I've never forgotten that moment, because it was a true calling. I still don't know exactly what it means, but I also don't have to know. I feel that I already am a missionary in my everyday life, at work, and in so many other relationships. I trust the Lord and he really does light my path each day. Today is all I need to know. Just today.

This whole conversation left me thinking that I guess I don't understand. Why should I doubt God? Why should I not believe, and believe fully that he is the only option for my healing? I don't really want to live life giving God outs. He doesn't need them, because he is everything. He is the healer and author of my life. He doesn't need my excuses and backup plans, and I have nothing to lose by believing in God! Nothing.

Trust, I beg of you. Trust God with your life and stop doubting! I get really passionate about this...because I believe doubting will suck the joy out of your life and steal the Lord's blessings that he intended for good!

Jesus looked at them intently and said, "Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But not with God. Everything is possible with God."

Mark 10:27

Did you catch that? Everything.

Vegan Chili

Wow. I've tried a lot of different chili recipes, but this one takes the cake! This chili is recommended to be served over sweet potatoes, but that's really up to you. I altered this recipe until I really liked it! It serves about 4-6 people as a soup. Enjoy!

Ingredients // Making It

• 2 T. Extra Virgin Olive Oil

Put the EVOO in the bottom of a large pot on medium heat.

• 1 medium onion, finely chopped
• 1 jalapeño, seeded and finely chopped (or you could use a whole green pepper)
• 4 cloves garlic, finely minced

Once the EVOO heats up a bit, add the onion, jalapeño and garlic and let it cook for about 3-5 minutes, or until the onions turn clear. Add the ingredients below to the pot and let simmer for 20-25 minutes. 

• 1 28oz can crushed tomatoes
• 1 T ground cumin
• 2 T chili powder
• 1/4 t. cayenne pepper
• 1 28oz can crushed tomatoes
• 1 t. dried oregano
• 1 T agave nectar (or you can use brown sugar, sugar, molasses, honey, etc.)
• 3 cans of beans (I used 2 cans of red kidney beans and 1 can of black beans), drained and rinsed
• 1 16oz bag of frozen corn, thawed (or you can use less if you prefer)
• 1 1/2 t. salt
• 1/4 c coarsely chopped fresh cilantro
• 1 T lemon juice (or lime)

Wah-la! Recommended over sweet potatoes for a serious meal. Let me know what you think!

Real

Last night before bed, I cried. I cried because everything in life was stacking on top of everything else, and it was 10 seconds of weakness. Then, when I stopped feeling sorry for myself because my leg was having a spasm and I was feeling super-sick, as was Jonathan and Truett, and because it also was going to ruin my birthday plans today, I started quoting scripture to myself. Just then, my mind was flooded with thoughts, and so many of them, so I grabbed my phone, and began to record audio. Here is what I said last night, to myself, and to anyone else that wants to listen. This is word for word, no additions, no subtractions. This is real Michelle at 11pm.
--------

Most people think that I've got my life put together in a pretty little package with a cute bow on top. It's just not true.

I feel nearest to God not when I'm a beautiful vase of flowers sitting on the table, but when I'm shattered and broken on the floor. Is it because God isn't near me during those beautiful times? Absolutely not. He's always near me. James 4:8 says "Come close to God and God will come close to you..." the problem with having a life so put together and a life so beautiful is that you're not on the lookout for God. You don't see him. He might be in the room and pass you by but you never even look up, because you're having such a good time at the party. You might be talking to your friend and God walks by and taps your shoulder, but you don't even turn around because you're enjoying the food and the dancing. Sometimes you have to fall on the floor from a heart attack before you need his help.

God is near the brokenhearted. God has been more near to me in the past few months than at any other time in my life, which is saying something, because God has been near to me for many years. I think the turning point for me was when...and I'm sorry if you've never heard this before, but I'm about to drop you right in the middle of the mess, but it's true. My life is an open book, so I have to share this story.

Jonathan and I had a really rough marriage. Actually, that would be the understatement of the century  We struggled every day. We never, for months, had a day when we weren't struggling to get along. There was even a period of 3 days where we literally did not speak a word to one another. It was bad. Do you know how we overcame it? God.

God literally broke me. Broke me. You know the verse in Jeremiah 18 that says, "But the jar he was making did not turn out as he had hoped, so he crushed it into a lump of clay again and started over." That's my life, and that's Jonathan's life, which I'm sure he would tell you about, because we don't have secrets about this. We are different people now, whole people. We love one other fiercely and completely, and we get along like you wouldn't believe.

We were in a dark place. But you know what, the darker the place, the brighter the light. God called us out of that place just to show us his bright and shining perfect light, and we've never turned back. I really am a changed person. I literally went to bed one night and woke up another person. I couldn't get enough of the Scripture. I had to read my Bible. I had to get up early. I needed God like you need water on a 100 degree day. I had to have him. I can't even explain it to you unless you've gone through it yourself. The Lord is near you in your darkest times, and he's also near you in your best times. Remember to look for him.

We often see him in our darkest times because we are looking for him. But in the good times, look for him all the more, so you can truly enjoy his presence...with no agenda or needs, or asking him to do something for you. Just simply be with the creator of the world. He's asking to be with you. Don't wait until you have a tragedy for him to grab your attention. He died for you.

Died.
-----

And then I went to sleep about a minute later, not remembering why I was so sad in the first place. I have everything.

My life is an example to many,because you have been my strength and protection.

Psalms 71:7

My Parents

Some people have funny parents and some have serious ones. Some people love their parents and get along with them like best friends, and some really don't. Some talk with their parents every day, and some talk with them once a month, or maybe even once a year. I wonder sometimes what other people's parents are like, but I never dwell on it long, because I love mine...SO MUCH.

Meet Them:
My mom is Robin. Beautiful, talented (at absolutely everything, aka Martha Stewart), nurturing, generous with her words and her love, a servant.

My dad is Wayne. Strong, hilarious (corny in the best sort of way), adventurous, a prayer warrior, always ready to help, reliable, honest, a learner.

I don't take them for granted you know. I'm really lucky. They care so much about every small thing in my life and they are there for me when I need them. They give beyond what they need to, they are patient, they do what they say they will, and they always give me their best. I'm lucky to have them, and I thank God for them! Even now, they still surprise me.

My mom, for example, was here today and I was talking to her about memorizing Scripture. I had never known that she had memorized so much. I asked her what she knew, and she quoted the entire chapter of Romans 12 and James 1 right there! Come on now, that's awesome. I can't believe I didn't know that about her.

And my dad, he loves fixing things...or maybe he doesn't, be he always offers to help, so I assume that he does and he really has me fooled if he doesn't! He fixed our shower drain, our mower, and I'm sure he would have fixed anything else I had on a list, but I don't invite him over to put him to work! He cracks me up. He was waiting with me at the hospital the other day reading the instructions to follow when we got home, from the paper that the nurse gave me. "Do not operate machinery. Now Michelle, no bulldozing. You need to stay off all kind of big tractors like that, and definitely no rototilling the yard tonight." Where does he come up with this stuff?

Grandchildren are the crowning glory of the aged; parents are the pride of their children.

Proverbs 17:6

Joy

Hi blog family! How are you, anyway? I know I talk about my life on here a lot, but I'd love to hear about you. If any of you have a blog that I don't yet follow, please post below with the link so that I can follow you back! I love reading about your lives just as much as peas love carrots.

Ya know what else? My kiddo is huge. That boy brings my joy, joy, joy! Have you all met Truett yet? If you've missed him growing up these last 15 months, let me catch you up real quick. This kid is awesome. He's talking in single words, but of course I think that's amazing in every way. He loves corn like it's straight sugar, and he's a milk addict. He wears a size 6 shoe, runs everywhere he goes, loves to hug people, and you'll find him standing by his crib asking to go to bed every night around 7:45pm sharp. "Night night?" This little boy was the blessing I always dreamed of having...but he's way WAY more.

Also, if you think of it, please pray for me on Friday and Saturday. I'm having a spinal tap on Friday afternoon as a follow-up test for a lot of reasons. I have to lay flat on my back after the procedure for 24 hours, so that just means a lot of good memorizing of Philippians, right? See, I knew it was all going to work out!

Let me leave you with this last thought...lately I've been learning that when we become more occupied with what has happened in the past, or about what might happen in the future, we are missing the present, and THAT becomes a problem. My life is filled with more "what ifs" than I know what to do with these days, but that shouldn't and won't concern me. I refuse. It truly doesn't matter. What matters is the present, and today is what counts, and if I don't accomplish anything all day long besides loving my family and pleasing the Lord with my actions, then I'll consider the day well spent!

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. 

Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6:34