Sometimes God speaks to me in the most mysterious ways.
Like how he calls my attention to a certain cloud in the sky, to remind me that he is returning again soon. Like how he causes my mind to focus on a certain apartment complex that I pass often, and then a certain unit. I may never meet the people that live there, but I pray for them every time I drive by. And oh how I love that God shows me his love through my little son, Truett.
So when Truett goes to bed in the evenings, we have a routine. He usually takes a bath, then kisses and hugs everyone, we read a book...or four...together, we pray together to Jesus, and then it's time for bed. We must be lucky parents, because Truett usually walks to his crib, asks to go to bed, and then lays down with a simple, "goodnight." But, every once in a while, there is some crying. For whatever reason, he doesn't want to be left alone. Maybe it was a hard day, or he feels lonely, or scared. Sometimes we pick him up and rock him, and sometimes we choose to let him cry it out for a couple of minutes, because we know he's fine and he'll go to sleep on his own. Whatever the case, we're still there in the house, just on the other side of the door. We never leave. We are listening, we can hear him crying, we even want to rescue him, but sometimes we choose to let him cry. It is uncomfortable as a parent, but we know that he's independent enough to handle it, and he needs to learn to go to sleep on his own. We love him, and yet we still let him cry.
Isn't that like God sometimes? God is there, he never leaves us. He's always on the other side of the door, just listening in. He can hear our cries for help, for him to pick us up and hold us in troubling times, and sometimes he does. But sometimes he leaves us there, because we have to learn to be ok with sleeping in the dark. How will Truett ever learn to sleep alone if we don't allow him to cry about it? Every night he is learning that he can sleep on his own in safety, that we always come back in the morning, that we can hear him crying, and that we love him dearly. He knows those things.
Sometimes you'll cry for God, and he'll come. Sometimes you'll cry and he won't, because he wants to stretch you and teach you, but he always has your best interest at heart. You can trust that God will never leave you, just like a mother would never leave a house with a sleeping baby inside. He may be in another room of the house, but he is never too far to hear your cries, and he'll be there for you in a second. He's your biggest fan, even though sometimes you may not get his parenting strategy, you just have to trust that he loves you more than you can understand.
As a mother, I've found myself sneaking into Truett's room late at night, just to watch him sleep. If you don't have kids, you may think that's strange, but if you have one, you totally get it, right? I adore that little boy so much, that I will literally stand in the dark to watch him sleep for a few minutes, or pray over him, or check that he's breathing ok when he's sick. God is like that! Even when you aren't aware, he's is standing over you adoring your childlike faith, and he's checking in on you during that hard day to make sure you're still breathing.
God is standing in the dark, adoring you and loving you like you can't even imagine.
Just trust. I have learned so much being a parent. It's incredible really. Everything is an analogy to me. And guess what else? I've never loved God more, because I understand much more deeply the depth of his heart! Oh, how he loves us!