I debated whether I was going to post this blog for about 20 minutes. Transparency won out.
I've decided, by a unanimous vote from myself, that I'm going to live the remainder of my life as a worry-slapper. You heard me!
Forever, as in, as far back as I can even remember, I used to worry all the time. I'd worry about if I was going to be late to school, whether I was going to die at a young age, or whether I would go bald by the time I was 50. I'd worry if my car was going to die and somehow stop in the middle of the trip home to nowhere and some stranger would come and pick me up and kill me. I mean, I'd worry about stupid pointless things. Then, worry turned to fear and it started to kill me slowly. Instead of just a small passing thought, it was a reality, and I began to prepare for the worst when I should have been living life. Now yes, worry is annoying, but fear...fear is real. Fear kept me from branching out in areas of my life. Fear was negative about new possibilities. Fear lied straight to my face. Fear made me cry. Recently my life hasn't been filled with these things. I'd even say this past year, not much worry has made an appearance, but this week was different as I began to dig deep into God's word. Satan took out his fangs and began to play dirty and brought my mind to begin worrying again, which began to turn to fear.
It's funny how once you're aware of something, you're not scared of it anymore because you know it's there and where it came from (Satan), and then you realize that it's small stuff to God. He can do anything! Last week it began with small things Satan was whispering:
Michelle, you aren't very pretty. Jonathan hasn't told you you're pretty today so it must be true.
No, God says I'm beautiful, Psalm 45:11!
Michelle, you aren't a great cook. And you really aren't all that hospitable.
Really? People say that I am for the most part, but I guess since they didn't eat my pie, maybe you're right.
Then he got meaner...
Michelle, would you still love God if Jonathan stopped breathing in the middle of the night?
Are you going to kill him? Yes, I would love God regardless. I would be thankful to be considered God's faithful servant just like Job.
...But then I got up in the middle of the night and check and see if Jonathan was breathing.
Michelle, what if someone came and robbed your house, broke your arms, and killed your husband? Would you still love God then? Why would he let that happen to you?
I know that God loves me and he did not allow sin into this word! He wants the best for me. That was you that let sin into the world! Go away!
I felt overwhelmed, and began to pray about my fear. A lot. And God was there for me.
That’s why I urge you to pray for absolutely everything, ranging from small to large. Include everything as you embrace this God-life, and you’ll get God’s everything.
Mark 11:24 MSG
Then God spoke. He revealed the things that I was worried about, and helped me see how they weren't reality. Did they ever really come true? No! I was worried about falling in the shower and breaking my arm, but it didn't happen. I was allow terror to reign supreme. Don't ask me why this was suddenly so hard for me after nearly a year of no worries, but it just was.
So, I decided to deal with it instead of dwell on it. This is where my accountability partner Katy came in. She spoke so much encouragement and Godly love into my life and helped me to think through my real fears. People like this are priceless to me. I'm not sure how I'd go this journey alone, and I never want to find out.
Then I stopped, and I asked God to fill me up. And when I say stopped, I mean, I literally closed the door and stopped for a few hours. I wanted God to know that I was accepting his help.
God is enough. He always shows up. Let him be enough. I'm not worried about tomorrow, it has enough worries of it's own. God has proven himself to me countless times, and Satan's not winning this battle. It all seems pretty funny looking back. What in the world was I worried about?!
Be encouraged today! God is bigger than your fears. Maybe you don't struggle with worry or fear like me, but everyone struggles with something. I believe God made us all so different so that when one falls down, there are others to help him up. Ask for prayer when you need it! You're not an inconvenience, you're not wasting anyone's time, and you're certainly not being selfish. Just ask for it.
I pray for all of you reading this today that you'll find rest in the savior, you'll find delight in his unlimited grace, and enough hope for a lifetime. You are loved...and yes, I'm praying for you today. Always feel free to leave me a comment or email me.